As I sit here dreading my return to the office next week, I am reminded of all of the aspects of my job that satisfy me. I am a driven, Type A person that thrives under pressure. I know I will enjoy being back, but I have thoroughly enjoyed the last 7, almost 8, weeks home with my kids. CCR is 18 months old and TMR is 7, almost 8, weeks old. I have always had a respect for SAHM's, but I am especially amazed with the sacrifices SAHM's make to raise successful contributors to society. My leave has brought about challenges that even I wasn't sure I could handle. CCR has a few traits that I'm not proud of (we're working on them), and it has shown me that my degrees did nothing to prepare me for dealing with the bad habits and nasty phases of toddlerhood. There's a little part of me that is looking forward to dealing with the predictable challenges of the office.
I am retired from my baby-bearing years which is music to The Cleaver's ears. That will allow me to concentrate on other areas of my life - like raising these two kids we've managed to bring into this world not quite 17 months apart, getting back into shape and moving up in the working world. And it will allow him to quantify the chaos in his life.
While my leave of absence has been very fulfilling for me, and a much needed change of pace for CCR, it has highlighted my contributions to the office. While they have done a great job of "leaving me alone", there were inevitably issues that arose that have needed my attention. Don't get me wrong, feeling valuable is not lost on me, but I must admit that I found myself avoiding the emails that needed follow-up. While my leave has been 99% parenthood and keeping up with the daily chores, I know the priorities are going to have to change - a bit.
What I am finding especially frustrating is that I am torn. I love my job and love the company I work for (they do have their flaws - and some would say they're glaring), but I love my husband and children more. My job hasn't always been at the bottom of the totem pole, but the past few days, it's been hovering very low. I wish I was talented enough to parlay it into a work-from-home gig or that I was born into money, but neither is my story. With two degrees comes debt and a sense of obligation to put them to practice, but I can't deny my feelings of devotion to my family. But as things stand right now, I will enjoy the last few days of being home with my kids and gear up for a bittersweet return to work.
No comments:
Post a Comment